Travel Story «Rub-a-dub-tub in Vang Vieng»

Lao | 0 Comments 10 April 2006 - Last Update 01 June 2006

We arrived in Vang Vieng after was what a relatively pleasant bus journey from Vientienne 

of approximately 6 hours. (6 hours is now a walk in the park after the infamous 19 hour 

journey from Vietnam).  The bus dropped us at an idyllic guest house set on the side of the 

river in relative isolation from the rest of the town with bugalows dotted around the place - 

it looked fabulous - like one of those relaxation spas/rehabilitation centres celebs attend when 

they are "exhausted".

We didnt stay there.  Obviously as soon as we enquired about vacancies there was no room 

at the Inn. Harsh dude, way harsh. It's not our fault we are slow to get off the bus and assume 

that being dropped in the middle of no where is a scam and don't enquire about availability of 

rooms until we see everyone else asking thus realising it is not a scam and in fact a beautiful place 

to stay - not fair at all. Damn our cynical nature. 

We found another guesthouse (which was cheaper but there was a reason for that) and checked 

ourselves in.
After a quick wonder around we went for dinner and then the obligatory
after dinner drinks when Lorna was spotted by a fellow Athlonian from across
the bar (not the first time she has met people she knows....damn her popularity, it's like she has

planned it - planting people in every other place we visit to make her look great and us feel awful).  

Following the obligatory catch up, we all entered a game of killer pool in the same bar
where we were so sucessful one of us one the game! 

Just kidding, we all failed miserably and were out after our minimum of three shots but still it
was fun. Over the course of the evening Aisling discovered she knew one of
their group from a summer she spent in Wildwood in the states on a J1 Visa
(small world) and the two of them reminisced about that summer and the people
they knew.  (we suspect she and Lorna have formed a coalition to make myself and Grainne feel 

really unpopular and then somehow they will steal all our money and go shopping and get manicures 

together - we haven't figured out how this fits into their plan but I am nearly certain this is what they want). 

Grainne and I have met no one.... boy do we feel loved. (This is your cue to send us presents).
Tired from the days travelling (yeah sitting on your arse is so exhausting isn't it?) we headed home to bed.
The next day we got up early (ish) and headed down to one of the places
offering excursions and signed up for a morning of tubing down the
river.





















Thus began the revelation that we are idiots.  Let me explain.
As it was just the four of us and our guide, we set off with our tubes
to the river. The driver that dropped us off at the river pointed to the guy
with us who he had been speaking to in Laos, and told us to follow him (in
broken English) telling us he knew where he was going. Our guide was relatively
quiet while he donned his tubing clothing (long sleeve pants and cardigan
incase you ever go) and fastened his water proof Dry Bag.  Because of this, we
assumed he didn't speak English so waited for hand gestures and signals
on how to enter the water (which, although very shallow as we were coming
to the end of the dry season was rushing past at a good speed).  When our
guide was not forthcoming with information Aisling, attempting to break the ice 

(gorgeous looking women like us can be intimdating we know - this is why no 

one ever speaks to us), asked him if the thunder storm from the night before meant 

that the river would be high, faster or more difficult to navigate. He shrugged as if to 

say I do not understand what you are saying or don't ask silly questions you silly woman 

you.  We assumed he didn't understand us or English because why else would he be so...
rude....? and decided copying his every move as the knowledgeable guide in, what
were for us unknown waters, was the safest way forward. Our plan went
something like this :-
He walked in to the water. We followed.
He got in his tube. We got into ours in exactly the same spot etc.

He scratched his nose, we scratched ours.










Getting into the tube in the fast flowing water while trying to hold onto
your tube and your dignity at the same time was not the easiest thing
we have ever done but we managed. Unfortunately, during the commotion and
fiasco that was, Aisling lost one of her beloved flip flops. (Moment of
silence out of respect please.)
OK, let us continue.  In retrospect, we could have all done more to
save the beloved flip flop but our inexperience meant we did nothing but watch
as it floated down stream, shedding a mournful tear.
Our guide was useless, floating away on his tube acting oblivious and
uncaring with a gormless smile pasted to his face, completely
unresponsive to Aislings cries for "HELP! HELP!"
It was about then that seeds of doubts were sown in our head - would he
treat us with the same disregard he had shown for the flip flop if WE
were to fall out of our tubes pleading for help as we drowned in water that
was, oh I don't know, all of two foot deep?.  "Lads, I don't think he is our
guide" volunteered Lorna. "Don't be ridiculous Lorna, he is hardly a paying
customer" I countered.




Let me just explain "tubing" for all those that haven't done it or won't understand (Hi Mum!) -:

As you tube (for want of a better adjective) down the 

river, you pass loads of bars and places to pull in for lunch/breakfast or a light
refreshment. We passed one place with really cool looking rope swings, music and bar
man but our guide sailed past AGAIN oblivious to our thirst and having not once
asked us or gestured if we would like to pull in some where and chillax
for a few minutes. This was the final straw after his general lack of interest in us 

and blatant incompetence (understanding lot aren't we?). We hollered to Grainne (who
was at the front of our group and nearest to the guide) to tell him that we
wanted to stop at the next place and that he was to pull in there and that was
that! This was our trip and we were going to do it on our terms and if
we wanted to stop then GODDAMIT we were going to stop.
Grainne tried for a few minutes to get his attention but not only was
he incapable of understanding English (and in fairness our Laos is not the
best - we really excell in the written format when it comes to foreign languages
and gosh darn it we had fogotten a pen and paper) but he now seemed to
have become deaf as well.  Grainne turned back to us complaining she could
"hardly get a word in edge ways" in a very sarcastic Grainne type tone
and we all joined in with equally scathing remarks about the ineptitute of
men in general and our dissapointment at him as a guide.
Well is the cloesest thing any of us had ever got to a real marriage conflict
type situation and we were not going to falter at the first hurdle.
Long ago the girls had stopped talking in Irish when passing these
comments ( which was great cos it meant I could join in and Lord knows I like 

to throw in my two cents) as well as having the silliest philosophical  conversations 

centering around such questions "Would you rather be a left foot or a right foot?" 

(Aisling and Lorna choose left, I chose right and Grainne refused to answer becuase it 

was "the stupidest question I have ever heard". Fair enough.) and "Which animal would you
like to come back as if you could be reincarnated?"  Needless to say we did
not sound like four women who had gone to college.
Grainne tried again to get his attention and FINALLY he turned around
in response to us and said - in a perfect american accent - "I'm not your
guide, I'm just out here for fun".  It would seem that I was wrong and he was a 

paying customer after all.








That's when we started to back paddle like crazy, our faces burning red
with mortification and silence descended on our group which was now just
four people seeing as our guide was not a guide and a group all by himself.
Needless to say we hopped off our tubes at the first bar we saw and
tried to put as much river distance between him and us as possible. If this
meant staying there and having a beer well that was what we had to do.
Cursing oursleves and our stupidity, going over all that we had said
that he would have heard we felt like fools. Fools!
After a beer, the anger and rudeness of his manner crept into our
conversation and by the end of our rants we felt justified at our
mistake.
He had spoken Laos - he wore the correct clothes making it SEEM like he
was a guide and he had pretended to not understand English and blatantly
ignored us when we had been speaking to him. He was plain rude. Thank God we
were not going to see him again. Or so we thought.....







At that bar there was a rope swing which the barmen were jumping off and they invited 

us to do the same, so I did (Emily, would you jump off a cliff if your friend did? Apparently 

it doesn't even need to be a friend....) - brilliant fun, but none of the other girls seemed
interested in throwing themslves off a wooden plank suspended by rope hanging off
a cliff edge into the river and remained spectators of the sport.  The rest of the afternoon 

tubing was relatively uneventful considering our mornings events and we sailed on back to the town, 

disembarked and returned our tubes.


Back at the guesthouse we booked our transport out the next day (time
was running out and we could only spend 2 nights in Vang Vieng) to Luang
Prabang and went for dinner.   We met Lornas friends again for drinks but made
an early night of it under instructions from the Athlonian crew who told
us the bus journey was very windy and bound to make you feel travel sick.
The next morning we checked out and guess who we met?!!??! Yes - our
"Guide". Morto attack.  We hid for a few minutes debating on what to
do - could we run away? Send the money we owed in the post? Talk with a
different accent when checking out and pretend we had never seen him
before...? Eventually we realised we had to go to reception where he was sitting
and sucked it up long enough to pay our bill.  Thankfully our tuk-tuk
arrived to take us to the bus station and we left Vang Vieng and our Guide.
Emily